Sunday, September 28, 2014 Saturday, September 20, 2014

Anonymous said: how can you tell if someone is projecting and acussing a vcitim of what they do? like in the case of a couple saying the other is abusive how can you tell which one is telling the truth and which one is a manipulative liar?


dear anon,

this is a hard, hard, hard question - one that organizations that serve abuse victims continue to struggle with. a friend of mine works at a women’s shelter, and she shared the screening tool they use there to assess abusive situations. here’s a PDF of a presentation by The Network/La Red that works to answer this question. what happens if both the abuser and the victim both contact an organization for help? what if it’s hard to tell who’s who? how should we respond?

here are some of the major takeaways from this document:

  • mutual abuse is a myth - partner abuse is never mutual. self defense is not the same as abuse.
  • this can be complicated by the fact that abusers often see themselves as victims
  • victims may have been forced into a corner, meaning they have had to use coercive or manipulative strategies or fought back as survival mechanisms. this does not make them abusers.

so, what to do? the reason this document is used as a training module is because it has taken a lot of people who make it their professional work to answer these questions, providing the best support possible. i’m not going to suggest that you use the screening tool in your day-to-day life, since it takes time to become familiar with the kind of listening that leads you to recognize domestic violence while also noting abusive tactics.

the questions are continuous, and new information may present itself at any time. questions of who committed the abuse aren’t always clear-cut, which is why the screening tool suggests paying attention to 6 factors:

  • context, intent, and effect of actions
  • empathy
  • agency
  • assertion of will
  • entitlement
  • fear

HERE is an extremely helpful post from back in 2012. I recommend reading it in full for more information about being a third party.

Long story short, if you don’t know the truth, don’t insert yourself into the situation in such a way that it adds unreasonable distress and discomfort. Generally speaking, abusive situations often become less opaque over time, but the possibility exists that you might never know. Conduct yourself in the manner that is the least intrusive. The only thing you can hope to do is avoid causing additional harm.

Friday, August 29, 2014


Winter Break playing “4:49” at Bridgetown DIY last friday. this song will be on the upcoming LP. 


Saturday, August 23, 2014

Anonymous said: I just saw a video of Heartbeat In the Brain playing over someone's no-scopes in Call of Duty


I quit

Babies finally did it :’)

Friday, August 15, 2014


I struggle with depression and I wrote a song about what my life feels like

This is really great

LISTEN: The Spirit Of The Beehive (members of Glocca Morra) – “You Want More”


We’re very excited to be premiering “You Want More”, the first single from Philadelphia indie/emo trio The Spirit Of The Beehive, which features members of Glocca Morra. Stream the song here:

Follow us on twitter (@HalfCloth):

And like us on facebook:

this is coming out on ice age next month. the record rips and all the people in this band are wonderful. you can check out another track off the record at the chicago reader, too!

Saturday, July 19, 2014
These are forms of male aggression that only women see. But even when men are afforded a front seat to harassment, they don’t always have the correct vantage point for recognizing the subtlety of its operation. Four years before the murders, I was sitting in a bar in Washington, D.C. with a male friend. Another young woman was alone at the bar when an older man scooted next to her. He was aggressive, wasted, and sitting too close, but she smiled curtly at his ramblings and laughed softly at his jokes as she patiently downed her drink. ‘Why is she humoring him?’ my friend asked me. ‘You would never do that.’ I was too embarrassed to say: ‘Because he looks scary’ and ‘I do it all the time.’

Women who have experienced this can recognize that placating these men is a rational choice, a form of self-defense to protect against setting off an aggressor. But to male bystanders, it often looks like a warm welcome, and that helps to shift blame in the public eye from the harasser and onto his target, who’s failed to respond with the type of masculine bravado that men more easily recognize.
Why it’s so hard for men to see misogyny (via ethiopienne)
Wednesday, July 16, 2014 Tuesday, July 8, 2014 Saturday, July 5, 2014 Friday, July 4, 2014 Monday, May 26, 2014

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