On safer spaces
The thing is that punx have been having these conversations (do we need to make conscious decisions in punk spaces to make them places where people marginalized in the world at large don’t have to deal with those same
oppressive circumstances that deny us our humanity or not) for the last 35 years or so? I have personally been having them since 1991 or whatever. They never change, and safer spaces are still necessary. What does it say that we’ve had a million workshops and conversations and it still sucks a lot for a lot of people who aren’t white cis dudes in punk? It says that the people behaving oppressively aren’t changing their behavior. It’s all good and well to ask for education but you can and should educate your damn selves because we are tired of putting forth the energy and seeing the same shit.
Women, too, have been socialized to believe that the ultimate arbiters of their appearance are men, that anything they do with their appearance is or should be “for men.” That’s why women’s magazines trip over themselves to offer up advice on “what he wants to see you wearing” and “what men think of these current fashion trends” and “wow him with these new hairstyles.” While women can and do judge each other’s appearance harshly, many of us grew up being told by mothers, sisters, and female strangers that we’ll never “get a man” or “keep a man” unless we do X or lose some fat from Y, unless we moisturize//trim/shave/push up/hide/show/”flatter”/paint/dye/exfoliate/pierce/surgically alter this or that.
That’s also why when a woman wears revealing clothes, it’s okay, in our society, to assume that she’s “looking for attention” or that she’s a slut and wants to sleep with a bunch of guys. Because why else would a woman wear revealing clothes if not for the benefit of men and to communicate her sexual availability to them, right? It can’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that it’s hot out or it’s more comfortable or she likes how she looks in it or everything else is in the laundry or she wants to get a tan or maybe she likes women and wants attention from them, not from men?
The result of all this is that many men, even kind and well-meaning men, believe, however subconsciously, that women’s bodies are for them. They are for them to look at, for them to pass judgment on, for them to bless with a compliment if they deign to do so. They are not for women to enjoy, take pride in, love, accept, explore, show off, or hide as they please. They are for men and their pleasure. Why You Shouldn’t Tell That Random Girl On The Street That She’s Hot » Brute Reason (via timididammae)
"Yes" doesn’t always mean "yes" when you haven’t created a situation in which your partner feels comfortable saying "no."
I feel like this should be obvious. But every time I see someone say “yes means yes; no means no” I cringe a little. Consent isn’t always that simple.
Holding someone’s hand or cuddling them or kissing them or giving them any other kind of nongenital physical affection does not unconditionally entitle you to have sex with that person. Ever. Even if you’re dating them, even if you’re in a serious romantic relationship, even if you’re married to them. You have no right to someone else’s body. Period.